Cum canta Banica “era o seara frumoasa de… mai..”.
In jurul orelor 5, am primit intr-o zi frumoasa si calduroasa, proaspat facut si racit cum trebuie un compot de prune care l-am vaut ca pe un suc. Nu am avut niciodata problema cu prunele asa ca nu am bagat de seama ce urma sa adaug la amestec 2 ore mai tarziu, 1 litru de iaurt de baut.
Asa ca mi-am chemat un bun amic sa iesim prin oras la o bauta scurta (pe moment uitand acel litru de lapte). Am plecat sa mancam un kebab cum face tot romanul, si atunci a fost momentul cand am realizat ca aceea seara va fi una LEGEN…wait for it…DIARRHEA..
Am simtit un fior cum ma patrundea inca de la inceput, cu un singur mesaj ” vrei nu vrei, the countdown has began “. Eu o tineam in mintea mea mare si tare “MIND OVER MATTER”.
Picioarele au intepenit, am inceput sa ma misc ca un robot, aratam ca Frankestein din film dar in fast-forward.. Nu am luat in calcul ca aceea matter era in realitate o bomba nucleara care a fost lansata si urma sa explodeze in 3…2….1…
M-am uitat rapid in stanga/dreapta (strada fara lumina) am cautat cel mai apropiat loc care sa ma poata acoperi (o masina business neagra, trotuar si zid in spate), pantalonii jos si SWEEEEEEET BLISSSSSSSSSS, am explodat cum nu am mai facut-o niciodata.
In acel moment, amicul meu trece pe langa mine infruptandu-se cu patima din Kebabul luat la pachet imi zice scurt ” NU TE CUNOSC “. Moment in care nu stiam cum sa ma opresc din ras caci materia care a invins “my mind”, iesea sacadata de zor..
Desigur intr-o fractiune de secunde apare si un ‘anonim’ care-si pune farurile de la masina ce vroia sa o parcheze, drept pe fundul meu care nu se mai oprea, de aratam ca un bazorelief al peretelui din spate..cu fantana arteziana de prune inclusa…
Plin de rusine mi-am tras nadragii rapid pe mine si scurt si repede m-am indreptat catre cea mai apropiata buda. Cand am analizat bine masina “business” am realizat ca era una englezeasca, cu volanul pe partea dreapta, in coincidenta, pe acea alee intunecata, si locul unde am lasat cadoul care nu o sa fie usor de clintit sau observat. (chiar imi pare rau pentru sofer, dar deh, data viitoare cumpara-ti masina cu volan pe partea care trebuie in zona noastra)
Pentru prima oara in viata mea, cand am ajuns intr-o baie normala, am folosit hartia igienica sa imi sterg sudoarea de pe frunte, pana sa ajung sa termin tot ‘sql’-dump-ul.
Nu a durat mult, dar ca orice lansare in orbita, a fost intens si satisfacator. In mod uimitor, am ajuns acasa fara vreo urma pe haine.
Daca ne-am fi intalnit cu cele 2 fete cu care urmam sa ne intalnim si cu 5minute mai devreme, as fi avut mai multi telespectatori decat as fi dorit.
MORALA: PRUNELE NU SUNT BUNE DECAT LA UN SINGUR LUCRU… (fermentate, distilate si baute)
PS: Urmariti si celelalte parti Cacarea lumii in patru acte (1), Explozia (2), The Epiphany (3) si The Revenge (4)
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